Monday, November 21, 2011

What's the difference?

This week is Thanksgiving.  I watched a movie on Saturday that I have heard lots of people talk about.  The movie was "Letters to God."  I won't ruin the viewing experience for anyone, but the movie is about an 8 year old little boy that is battling brain cancer.  He writes a letter to God everyday.  While watching this movie, I couldn't help but think about my own children.  I have an 8 year old!  I can't imagine having to deal with the pain and heartache of having a sick child.  I hate when my kids have the sniffles or a fever.  I always think, "why can't I be sick for them!"  And these are just minor ailments.  Then I thought about my own health issues.  I have had a headache 24 hours a day, 7 days a week since February.  As bad as it is, it pales in comparison to what this little boy is going through in this movie!  How dare I complain about feeling bad.  How dare I complain about being distracted or having an argument with my mom or my husband.  How dare I complain about anything!  At least I am healthy enough to complain.  Stuff like this certainly puts things in perspective. 

I can remember when I was younger, my parents started their own construction company.  Things were tough for the first couple of years, but then things really picked up.  We suddenly could buy things that we had never been able to buy.  Life seemed so much easier because we had more money.  I was in junior high, and I would tell my mom that everyone talked about me because we were "rich."  She would always get so mad when I would say that we were "rich," and I never understood.  She would tell me that we will never be rich, but that we were "fortunate."  What was the difference?!  It took me a really long time to understand the difference.  I know now that I am more fortunate than ever!  God has given me a wonderful husband and 2 healthy and beautiful children.  He has given me a mom and dad that love me no matter what I screw up (and there have been a LOT of screw ups!)  He has given me a great career and a beautiful home and most of all he has given me the faith inside to know that even when I think that things are tough and can't get much worse, that I am always taken care of.  I am by no means "rich", but I would so much rather be fortunate! 

Friday, November 18, 2011


It is finally Friday!  And what a LONG week it has been.  I can't complain though, because next week is Thanksgiving and I am very thankful for a lot of things.  Busy weekend to start off the "official" beginning of the holiday season!  My company fall festival (a replacement of the traditional Christmas party) is tomorrow.  There will be guns, shooting contests, a hay ride and a magic show!  Sounds like a great combination.  Definitely NOT your traditional Christmas party.  Then it is the beginning of what I think will be the busiest week of the year, and I am only working 2 days.  Monday through Wednesday is filled with doctor's appointments, holiday lunches, more doctor's appointments, depositions, Thanksgiving traditions, maybe a little rest and last but not least a family gathering that always leaves a LOT to be desired.  But I guess it wouldn't be a real holiday without one of those!  I must say though, that I hate being the kind of person that only goes to these gatherings because I feel guilty if I don't.  When I guess that I really should be thankful for have that family (technically!)  Some of them of love dearly, but others...really!?  Oh well, I can't complain!  I always cook Thanksgiving from my husband, kids and in-laws on Thursday evening.  This is after a wonderful Thanksgiving breakfast with my family!  Then I normally cook Thanksgiving for my family on Saturday.  Because I have been sick, my mother in-law is taking care of Thursday's dinner (what a sweet lady!)  And my mother told me that she would not come to my house on Saturday for a Thanksgiving feast.  Many would say that isn't nice of her, but she says if she doesn't come, then I won't cook.  So another sweet lady who is thinking of my well-being instead of thinking about a good meal!  This will be the first year and 5 that I will not cook a thing for Thanksgiving.  It almost feels sacreligious!  And might I add, my husband isn't very happy about it!  There are few things in life that he will sit and long for.  One of those things is my Thanksgiving meals!  He says that it just won't be the same.  Oh well, he will just have to be thankful for what he gets!  So, now that I have put on paper (well, kind of) my agenda for the week, I am completely overwhelmed!  I think that I deserve a nice date with my husband at my favorite sushi restaurant!  Sounds like a pretty good end to a pretty rough week!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

One of those days...

So I was expecting today to be bad.  I had trigger point injections in my shoulders and I knew that my neck would be stiff and my head would be killing me.  Well I was right.  But it will get better, at least that's what I keep telling myself.  I have so many things going through my head that I can't concentratee on just one thing.  This isn't good when you have a lot to do at work!  But I had a nice lunch with my husband, Terry, so maybe now I can focus a little more. 

I guess part of my problem is that I want to do so many things in the near future and I just can't stop thinking about them.  We have the holidays coming up and my family is in full Christmas mode!  I am planning on taking the first part of the CPA exam the first of January, so I have some MAJOR studying that needs to get done!  Problem is, I can't do that when I go home, take my meds and go to bed by 7:30.  I have to get my act together.  Then I have tax season that is creeping up quickly.  I have so much work that needs to be done.  Lexie will then be in competition season and we have 2 competitions out of town this year.  Her extracurricular activities are beginning to take up more and more of my life!  I guess that's why you have kids, right.  So you will NEVER have a free minute to relax.  Brady is going to play tee-ball in the spring.  I just don't see how he is old enough to start this.  He will be 4 in February!  4, REALLY?!?!?!?!?!?  But then again Lexie will be 9!  It just doesn't seem right!  Then I have more CPA studying and testing!  I HAVE to get this monster passed, and SOON!  Because then I have my biggest dream of all...LAW SCHOOL!  I have decided that after dreaming and longing, I am going to go to law school.  Don't ask me how I am going to fit 4 hours of class 3 nights a week, 60 miles away into my already completely occupied life, but I am going to find a way to do it!  I have ALWAYS wanted to be an attorney.  Many people have asked "well why didn't you become an attorney instead of an accountant?"  It was much easier to become an accountant, and I was good at it, so that's what I did.  I know, I know, my dreams keep getting bigger and bigger.  At least that's what my husband keeps telling me.  But his only dream is to RETIRE!  But then who is going to pay for my law school??????????  I guess that we all have those days where we can do nothing but sit and dream.  But one of those days, I am actually going to turn those dreams into reality!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

An Old Post

This is an old post from another blog that I started and never did anything with.  It is very fitting at this point in my life today.  After a really bad day, it is nice to go home and remember this stuff!  It makes my current problems just a little bit better!

Where did I go?

For over 25 years, everyone knew me as Shannon. Now mind you, my last name changed several times in 25 years, but I remained the same Shannon that I had always been. Then on April 2, 2003, everyone forgot that my name was Shannon. With one tick of the clock, I was given a new name and became a new person...Mommy. It was a name that I had always dreamed of having, but never really ever thought that God would permit me to have it. Suddenly in that one minute, I was no longer the Shannon that I had always been. Shannon was always a little high strung, but pretty outgoing. She could be timid at times, but normally never met a stranger. Shannon was always passionate about everything and easily motivated. She was driven and often a perfectionist. Shannon was always all of that stuff. Who would have thought that one second in one day of one year in a lifetime would completely change what Shannon had always been. Don't get me wrong, it is wonderful and amazing and everything that everyone tells you that it will be, but who am I kidding? When your name is changed to Mommy, you become someone that you never knew existed and it is HARD! You suddenly become selfless, no matter how much you don't want to be. You become a provider, no matter how dependent you used to be. You become loving and sentimental, no matter how hard and insensitive you were. And unlike a pregnancy that grows over 9 months, this change is sudden and abrupt and there is no getting used to it. In one second I went from being Shannon, to being Mommy. I wouldn't change it for anything, that is for sure! It is a gift that I was given, and there are some days that I know I am not so good at being this new person, but the good thing about it is I get to wake up the next day try to be better at it.

My Mission

Okay, so now my mission is to write everyday.  Something, anything no matter how impressive and intellectual or how lame.  It has been a really long time and a lot has happened in my life since the last time I wrote.  I need a vehicle to express what I am feeling and I guess this is the best way!  So I went back to work, which was a more joyous occassion after not working for 16 months.  I acutally went back to work for a firm that I worked for 8 years ago.  And the minute I walked in the door, I immediately felt like I was at home.  It felt like I had never left except there were a ton of new faces.  But those faces didn't last very long.  I guess they didn't like me very much.  But that is okay, because I finally know where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing!  Too bad my mind and dreams keep allowing things to get bigger!  But that is for later.  Things were wonderful!  I was working harder than I had ever worked before and then the day after Lexie's 8th birthday BAMMMMMMM!  It hit me and I haven't been the same since.  The most horrific pain in my head that I could ever imagine.  And it didn't go away.  I ended up in the hospital for 4 days, smack in the middle of my busiest time ever at work.  How in the world could this be happening?  I worked so hard to gain back their trust and respect and now this.  SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!?!?  What have I done in my life to deserve all of these bad things?  I just knew that they, too, were going to send me packing.  But I was proved wrong!  They were standing right beside me, wanting to make sure that I did just what the doctors said and wanting to make sure that I got better.  Not only was I in the most excruating pain that I have ever been in, in my life, but I was scared to death that I was going to be once again unemployed and once again disappointing the people that loved me the most and depended on me.  But I was continually reassured by the most amazing and caring employers that I had nothing to worry about.  4 weeks later, I returned to work but I have yet, 7 months later, returned to my old self.  My head pounds daily.  I take more pills than my 80 year old grandmother.  There are some days that are just a haze and pass without me even knowing.  I go for days and don't know or remember what has happened around me.  My 3 year old son is constantly asking "Mommy are you sick today."  It is heartbreaking!  I feel like I am missing out on my kids.  But I am on a mission to fix my head! 

Now the days that were filled with nothing but watching garbage on tv all day long, are filled with an awesome job, my family, meds that keep me functioning but still in great pain, and doctors visits.  I long for the day with my days are just filled with an awesome job and my wonderful family!  It will happen, and then I will be on another mission!